I’ve been back at work for almost two weeks after being home with my adorable baby boy, Gavin, for seven months. I have to confess…I like the routine and consistency of being back at work. It feels good to get out every day,to feel like my entire world doesn’t revolve around dirty diapers and washing bottles. I definitely enjoyed my time at home with my son and miss him while I’m at work, but being home with him day in and day out was challenging in so many unexpected (and some expected) ways. It’s been a really loooooooong time since I updated anything on this site, but I feel the need to write about my experience as a stay at home mom and a woman new to motherhood. What I’ve decided to do is to list some of my top thoughts, epiphanies and reflections in one condensed post. I have no idea how anyone has the time to be a mommy blogger, who has the energy and motivation to write about these things daily?! Anyway, here are some of my thoughts:
1. No one ever told me that pregnancy was the easy part. I really enjoyed being pregnant (for the most part). People were helpful and kind and I usually felt beautiful and empowered. No one told me about how unbelievably broken my body would feel after giving birth. I struggled for a long time to come to terms with my post baby body, not just because I felt unattractive, but because I felt so weak. I felt like my muscles melted and I turned to mush. Sitting on the couch and/or at the table trying to feed a baby or pump does crazy things to your body.
2. Breastfeeding is really demandingly hard work, also pumping sucks. I never anticipated having to pump, I thought breastfeeding would work out well and that it would come naturally. Oh how I was so wrong. I can’t even get into what a crazy process it was trying to get my son to nurse. After meeting with a lactation consultant multiple times and pumping for more than 4 months (which meant being hooked up to an archaic device while my baby slept at 3 or 4 a.m.) and eating all kinds of crazy foods to try to boost milk supply, I decided the craziness needed to stop. I despise giving my son formula. I think it’s gross and it smells and it’s completely unnatural and I get really upset when I think too much about it. But I do it. Day in and day out I feed my baby formula because it was the best decision for all of us as a family. Not being able to have a warm, cuddly nursing experience with my baby has been one of the most challenging postpartum experiences. I’d recommend that anyone who feels strongly about breastfeeding consider doing research and taking classes on what to expect and how to make it work. I wish I had become better informed prior to giving birth.
3. Getting your child to sleep wherever, whenever, is a top priority. My husband and I took shifts sleeping on the couch for the first 3 months of Gavin’s life. Gavin slept in his Rock n’ Play and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The kid was basically a non-napper (that’s a whole other story) and the rocker was the only thing that worked (besides holding him and cuddling him to sleep 🙂 In addition to the rocker, I spent many hours on the couch with him in my arms while we both slept. I made sure to be propped up safely and looked forward to this time every day. Now that Gavin is close to 8 months old, he no longer sleeps in my arms and just wants to wind down in his crib in order to get to sleep. Although Gavin sleeps well in his crib (something we worked hard for), I really truly long for the days when I could get him to nap with me, but he’s really over it. Actually at this point in his life he doesn’t really want to be held (or stay still) at all. Nobody warned me that my 8 month old would become so damn active and independent! I thought I had a few more months of cuddles and “babyish” behavior, unfortunately this isn’t the case.
4. It’s really hard to stay home with a baby and it’s really hard to be a working mom. Either way you look at it, the decision and the circumstances are hard. Being with your kid nonstop for 12+ hours at a time is completely exhausting and draining. Working and taking care of a baby in the early morning and late night hours is completely exhausting and draining. I feel like deciding to work or stay home (if it’s an option) is so tough because both decisions have such tremendous consequences. It’s not about choosing the “easy” way or the “hard” way, both life choices are hard and everyone has to do what works for them in this particular season of life. Either way it’s hard, you just have to choose your hard.
5. Used things are awesome. Don’t be proud or ridiculous. Buy used clothes. Accept used toys from friends. I think this one speaks for itself, there is absolutely no need to buy everything new.
6. To be continued…I’m stopping here for the night to get some sleep. I’m publishing this (before another month flies by). I’ll be back to add more thoughts 🙂
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